


Addictions

by chaos_skinnyjeans



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: M/M, Self-Harm, painkiller abuse, there is marijuana use
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-18
Updated: 2016-07-18
Packaged: 2018-07-24 19:55:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7521031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaos_skinnyjeans/pseuds/chaos_skinnyjeans
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because an addiction's an addiction and it all hurts the same.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Addictions

"Do you want anything?" I asked Luke, pulling one of his earbuds out.

"What the hell?" Luke looked at me.

"I'm going to the goddamn coffee shop. Do you want anything or not?" I repeated.

"Oh, the really good one down the street?" Luke asked. I nodded. "A large black coffee?" Luke asked.

I rolled my eyes. "You can literally make that here." I said.

"Please? You offered." Luke begged.

I sighed. "Yeah, okay."

"Yay!" Luke jumped off the couch and kissed my cheek. "Thank you Mikey."

I made a face and nodded. "Be careful with that lighter," I said, talking about the orange one lying next to the couch. "Don't burn the apartment down while I'm gone."

Luke just giggled and put his earbud back in.

-

"Hi, what would you like today?" The cashier asked.

"A large black coffee and a medium green iced tea," I ordered, trying not to mumble.

"Seven forty-two," The cashier said. I pulled my wallet out and paid, taking my receipt when she handed it to me. I went to stand by the counter to wait for the drinks.

The shop was pretty empty today. Besides the two workers, there were only two other customers.

"Large black coffee," The guy making the drinks called out, setting the cup on the counter.

I wasn't the only one who tried to take it.

I looked at the guy. He had longish curly brown hair, greenish brown eyes and he was a couple inches shorter than me. He turned red and mumbled something I couldn't hear.

"I'm sorry, what'd you say?" I asked.

"I, uh, said I'm pretty sure this is my drink..." He repeated.

"Are you sure? I ordered a large black coffee and the guy said this was-" I started, but the guy making drinks set two more on the counter.

"Large black coffee and a medium green iced tea," He said, glancing from the curly haired guy to me.

I bit my lip. "Sorry," I mumbled. I grabbed the two drinks rushed out of the coffee shop.

-

"Ugh." I groaned as I unlocked the door to the apartment. Luke popped up from behind the couch and squealed.

"Coffee!" He said.

"Yeah, yeah, here." I said and handed it to him.

"Thank you Mikey," He said in a sing-song voice. "Now tell me what happened at the coffee shop."

"What do you mean?" I asked, sitting on the floor with my back against the couch.

"Don't play dumb with me. Something happened, I can tell. Now tell me what it was." Luke said and took a sip of his coffee.

I shook my head. "Nothing happened, Luke."

"Lies," Luke said, dragging out the i and smiling. "How embarrassing was it?"

"Why do you say something happened?" I protested.

"It's in your face. I can just tell. Now spill." Luke said with a giggle.

I sighed. "It's because of your stupid coffee." I said. "Some guy ordered the same thing you did and we both reached for it at the same time and ugh..." I trailed off and sighed again.

"Aw, poor you! Was he at least cute?" Luke asked.

I shook my head. "That doesn't matter, Luke."

"Yes, it does! Why must you be so complicated, Michael?" He asked, pouting a bit.

"I'm not." I mumbled.

Luke started to say something. I shook my head and got up, grabbing my tea and walking to my room.

I sighed and leaned against my door, looking around the small room. I shook my head before grabbing my controller and going to sit on my bed. I turned my video game system on and leaned back, playing a few rounds of FIFA in silence.

After the fourth round, my phone rang. I groaned, seeing it was my dad calling. "Hello?"

"Michael..." My dad was using the same tone he used when something bad had happened. I had only ever heard it twice in my life.

"What happened?" I asked, trying not to freak out yet.

"Your mother... Her heart..." My dad choked out. He was crying.

"Dad! Dad, fuck, just tell me!" I half-yelled into my phone.

"She's dead, Michael." My dad said quietly.

My breath stopped for a moment and I shook my head. "You're lying." I mumbled and ended the call.

-

I let out a shaky breath and set my blade down. My thighs were bloody and I still couldn't stop crying. It had been almost an hour since I hung up on my dad. Luke had knocked on my bedroom door several times and my dad had tried to call me again at least four times, but I ignored everything. I just didn't care right now.

I stood up slowly, kicking my jeans the rest of the way off. I grabbed the first aid kit I kept in my room and started bandaging the cuts. Most of them weren't too deep, but a few were. I winced as I put bandages over those.

I pulled a few tissues out of a box, wiping my eyes. I sighed before putting the first aid kit away and grabbing a pair of sweatpants to pull on. Afterwards, I collapsed back into my bed and fell asleep almost instantly.

-

"Michael!"

I groaned, wincing as I rolled over and looked at my door. "Yeah?" I asked, my voice cracking.

The door opened and Luke walked in slowly. "Your phone has been ringing constantly... It's your dad." He said.

I looked over at my dresser, where I had left my phone. "Okay, Luke. Thanks." I mumbled before falling back into my pillow. I heard Luke sigh and my door close.

I got up after a while, wincing at the pain in my legs as I walk over to grab my phone. I had only slept for two and a half hours and I had 13 missed calls from my dad. I sighed, calling him and putting my phone on speaker. While I waited for him to answer, I pulled one of my pill bottles out. Tylenol. I swallowed three, noticing it was almost empty and grabbed my water bottle.

"Michael, don't you dare hang up on me again." I heard my dad say once he answered. I set my water bottle down and leaned against my dresser.

"Yeah, okay." I mumbled, putting my head in my hands.

"You need to come back to Melbourne-" He started.

"No." I cut him off, stretching the word out. "Absolutely not."

"Michael." My dad said sternly. "Your mother is dead. Why in the world can't you come back for one week for her funeral?"

"You know exactly why." I said. My voice was cold and I had no idea where that had come from.

"You said you were over cutting yourself. What the hell happened to the promise to your mother? The treatment we paid for?" My dad said, starting to rant.

I groaned, tuning him out. I didn't need this shit right now. "Well fucking guess what, dad? I'm not going to keep a promise to someone who's dead! And, big fucking surprise here, I relapsed with cutting and painkillers the day I moved to Sydney!" I shouted, pressing the end call button on my phone quickly afterwards.

I shook my head and locked my phone. "Fucking hell." I muttered to myself, walking out of my room to the kitchen.

"Are you okay?" Luke asked. I looked down to see him sitting on the floor, rolling joints.

I shrugged. "I will be if I can find the money for more pills." I mumbled.

"I can buy whatever you need..." Luke offered.

I sighed and sat down in front of him. "You don't have to." I said, picking up the lighter next to him and messing with it.

Luke shook his head. "I gotta go to the store anyway. What kind do you want?" He asked.

I smiled at him. Luke knew I had a painkiller problem and instead of yelling at me to stop or anything, he chose ignore it. Most of the time. I did the same for his weed habit.

"Aspirin or ibuprofen. It doesn't really matter." I shrugged. "Thank you." I added quietly.

"Anytime. Hey, will you come to a party with me tonight?" Luke asked as we both stood up.

I nodded. "Guess so, yeah." I mumbled.

Luke smiled and hugged me. "Thank you." He said and kissed my cheek.

Luke left and I sighed to myself. The pills hadn't helped and my thighs were still aching and raw. I shook my head, took two Advil and decided to get my ass in the shower.

I hadn't showered in a week and a half by this point. I knew it was gross and terrible. I had the worst hygiene but I had no motivation to do anything about it. One of my old therapists used to say it was because I had depression, though I didn't think that. It's not like I was sad all the time or cried myself to sleep every night.

I spent almost 45 minutes in the shower trying to boil and/or burn myself. After I ran out of hot water, I reluctantly got out, dried off and put sweatpants and a tee shirt on. I glanced at my clock- It was only 5:03pm. I groaned. The days seemed to go by slower and slower and I hated it. It was boring as hell since I didn't have anything to do.

I didn't remember the last time I wasn't so bored with life.

I used to be what was considered normal. Back when childlike innocence was still a fog that wrapped around my head and heart and squeezed them tight.

It all changed in high school. When I met her.

She was the reason I became so fucked. She dragged me down to the depths of hell and back, but I didn't care because at least she held my hand during it.

She was fire grazing your fingertips, just enough to feel it. She was the glint of a sharp blade in the moonlight. She was doing your first line of cocaine and the spiral downwards into things that were worse coming after it.

But she was my escape.

She was my numbness.

The front door opened and I jumped. I was standing in the kitchen, at one of the counters. I didn't remember coming in here.

"Here," Luke said, walking over to me and handing me a bottle of chewable aspirin. "That's all they had."

I looked down at the pill bottle in my hand and nodded slowly. "Thank you." I mumbled. Luke nodded and set two plastics bags on the counter, pulling the objects out of them to put away.

"Are you alright?" Luke asked. I looked around the kitchen. He had already put everything away while I zoned out again, staring at the small childproof container.

I stayed silent for a few moments, trying to find my train of thought. "Yeah," I finally said. "I'm fine."

Luke gave me a skeptical look but didn't say anything else about the subject. "Okay. Get ready and shit, we're leaving in 20 minutes." He said, walking off to his bedroom. I nodded and went to my own room.

I looked through my closet with a sigh, trying to figure out which shirt to wear. I didn't want to go anywhere tonight. I hadn't been to a party since I was with her.

I grabbed an old Jack Daniels shirt and black jeans before just hoping nothing eventful would happen tonight.

"You ready?" Luke asked, leaning against my doorframe. I nodded, picking up a pair of shoes and my phone. "My friend Alex is waiting in his car." Luke locked the front door of the apartment and we walked down four flights of stairs.

We got in the backseat of a beat up black car. Luke talked to the guy in the driver's seat who I assumed was Alex. There was another boy with multiple tattoos who sat in the passenger seat. He had earbuds in and didn't say anything.

The party was at an old warehouse almost four hours away and I had stayed silent the entire trip. Alex and the other boy had already gotten out and I had a hand on the door handle. "Wait, come here." Luke mumbled.

I turned towards him with a raised eyebrow. Luke pulled a small black tube out of his back pocket and pulled me closer. "Close your eyes." He ordered. I sighed and did without protesting.

"There." Luke said after putting something on my eyelids. I opened my eyes and looked at him, biting my lip slightly. "Damn." Luke mumbled, looking me up and down.

I frowned. "What?"

Luke shook his head. "You just look really hot in eyeliner." He smiled and we both got out of the car.


End file.
